Thursday, February 12, 2015

there's always more with God.

"The Lord will reveal to you Himself when it's time." Something I've been reminding myself over and over and over again lately.

I'm so quick to over-process and worry about what's to come when that's not my job. At church tonight, we had an awesome guest speaker come and give a sermon on "There's Always More With God." God's never done giving. He's never done making a way. Every time He provides, He provides more than enough. He provides so that all of our needs are met.

I sat down last night, thinking about my major and what's to come and I just kept hitting a wall. I actually wrote out a post with everything I was thinking, like it was a page in my journal but with no intention of posting it, and I just began to get more and more discouraged. Here's an excerpt:

"Most of my life has been so planned out and rational and really just well thought out.


I don't know what I want to do with my life.

That sentence above scares me.

I really want to help people.

And I really want to be joyful in all that I do.

But I don't know what major or career lines up with that.

I can't visualize myself doing anything."

Every time that I believe that I can do all of this on my own, I might as well be pushing God out and locking the door.

The sermon tonight was God speaking directly to me. I know sometimes He must think, "Molly, what are you DOING? Calm down, take a breath, and prepare yourself for what's to come."

I think I've got to have it all figured out but God just repeatedly comes back to me saying, "YOU CANNOT DO THIS ON YOUR OWN. YOU HAVE TRIED AND YOU HAVE FAILED. Anxiety is trusting that I will not provide for you and being anxious will not add another hour to the day."

I don't know what I'm doing right now but I feel the Lord revealing Himself to me more and more everyday.

My last few blog posts have been straight from the heart, and my goodness, how the Lord has used them to impact others. I've heard some stories recently and I just want to keep giving credit where credit is due to the awesome Creator that I serve. I might be typing exactly what someone else is dealing with but I wouldn't be typing the words and they wouldn't be reading them if it wasn't for God and His timing and plan for our lives. I might know when most people are checking social media and wait until then to post the link to my newest post, but God is orchestrating everything and how awesome is that? I don't want to take credit for any of that because lord knows I'm not that wonderful.

The Lord is revealing to me my love for writing more and more each day and I'm just letting Him take the wheel. ("Jesus take the wheeeellll..." lol sorry that's cheesy) I don't want to change majors until I'm sure of what I want to do and I think God's really changing my heart this semester and I seriously cannot wait for this journey.

We serve an awesome God. I think I probably said this in my last blog post but I'm gonna keep saying it as long as it's true. (so, forever. because God is good all the time and all the time God is good.)

xoxo, Molly

My prayer for each and every one of you reading this is that you start to pursue God this week. I'm not saying you need to go and declare yourself a believer because you aren't already; I'm saying to pursue Him. Have some quiet time, listen to some worship songs, and spend some time in the word. God has wicked awesome plans for you, I just know it! He wants you to surrender your doubts and fears to Him so that He can show you how He's going to provide. And even if you can't see that He's providing immediately, I think we could all use some time in the word this week, myself included.

[I keep wanting to end this with like "peace out, y'all" but I think that's extremely dorky. Then again, I just typed out my intentions to say "peace out, y'all" so nevermind.]

Monday, February 9, 2015

here, my hope is found.

At small group tonight, we talked about anxiety and stress and how, most of the time, our anxiety came from something that happened to us in the past. I'm all too aware of anxiety and what makes me anxious so this topic was something that really stuck out to me. While a lot of people encounter day-to-day anxiety, or small things that make them anxious, I'm almost always anxious. [committing to the sentence "I'm always anxious" fills me with anxiety but there are certain things that will always make me anxious.] I started talking to someone about it this semester and it's something that I want to work on this year. But ANYWAYS. We listed things that make us anxious and just shared some with the group and a couple that really get me are:
  • Feeling like I'm not good enough/worth people's time/or like I don't deserve good things
  • Feeling like I won't amount to anything/I won't accomplish anything
  • Feeling like I won't meet expectations from myself/from others
  • And just worry about the future, like God won't provide so I live in desperate need of control

Toxic thoughts, y'all. I mean seriously toxic. These are ridiculous things and I have no reason to believe these, except for how people have treated me in the past but in believing these lies from the world, I'm denying and ignoring the promises from the Lord for my life.

The Lord created us in His image exactly how he imagined. He knew us before we were even born and He knows how many hairs are on our head and how many days we have to come.

We read Matthew 6 and a few verses stood out to me:

25 “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes?26 Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27 Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?" 30 If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith31 So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ 32 For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33 But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

God has provided with each day that has passed and will provide with every day to come. God's plan is infinitely better than any we could ever come up with or want for ourselves. He has a plan and purpose for our lives and how egotistical are we to get mad at the creator of our universe for not having "perfect timing" and blaming Him for "not providing?"

As I drove away from church, I plugged in my phone and turned on my "It is well" playlist on Spotify, a playlist full of worship music that just fills me with joy. The song "At the Cross (Love Ran Red)" by Chris Tomlin came on and I started singing along and started to see the lyrics that perfectly lined up with our topic of anxiety tonight. (Thanks for that little teaching moment, God.)

At the cross

At the cross
I surrender my life.
I'm in awe of You
I'm in awe of You
Where Your love ran red
and my sin washed white.
I owe all to You
I owe all to You Jesus.
There's a place where sin and shame are powerless.
Where my heart has peace with God and forgiveness.
Where all the love I've ever found.
Comes like a flood,
Comes flowing down.
Here my hope is found
Here on holy ground
Here I bow down
Here arms open wide
Here You save my life
Here I bow down
Here I bow down

I heard the lyrics "Here my hope is found, here on holy ground, here I bow down" and instantly thought, "That's exactly what I need to do. Find my hope in God in the circumstances I can't control and bow down to Him with my insecurities, doubts, worries, and obsessions, leaving them behind and chasing after Him."

His love ran red and my sin washed white so that I could be free from my anxiety and worry and instead be full of His love, mercy, grace, and compassion. How can I sit here and find my identity in what others think of me or think that I'm not worth people's time when I'm a daughter of Christ, made in His image? We serve an awesome God that has come so that we could have life and have it to the full (John 10:10). We should find our identity in Him and constantly point others back to Him.

Just wanted to share some truth with y'all because I know that this is a subject that affects everyone. You are beautiful and loved and He has awesome plans for your life. Stop blaming Him for not instantly providing and sit back, have faith, and praise God for being so dang awesome.

xoxo, Molly

I love you all so much and I'm thankful for people who read my jumbly thoughts. After sitting in small group tonight, I decided to challenge myself this year and start a year of thanksgiving. What does this mean? I'm going to (attempt to) Instagram something everyday that I'm thankful for. I think I've gotten caught up in what I don't have or how God hasn't given me what I've "really wanted" and I've lost sight of what I do have and how many things He has blessed me with.

#mollys365daysofgratitude starting on February 10, 2015. Let's go.